Do you ever become tired of yourself?
Not in a sense of hate or anything immensely negative, merely in a sense of uninterest or bore. I oftentimes grow bored of myself — writing about the same topics, thinking the same thoughts, engaging with the same habits, etc.
Currently, I’m reading Resilient by Rick Hanson and have learned this morning that I lack dopamine, which wasn’t really groundbreaking news. Though, I’ve come to understand that since this omission I obtain, I will become uninterested in various aspects to life quite often, which is true, even when I’m engaged with something I enjoy, I tend to become easily distracted and distant.
This morning, I was excited to change up how I begin my mornings and do all my favorite morning activities on the rooftop of my apartment complex. Even so, every so often, I’d become prompted to look around the room/out the window and lose focus on what I enjoy doing.
I visited the library yesterday on the hunt for a book since being inspired by a Ted talk. Unfortunately, there was no luck in finding what I came for, but found myself in the section of social psychology. Every book I’ve ever read has been on the spectrum of self-help in psychology — a vastly narcissistic thing of me to do, I believe.
Nonetheless, I found a book by one of my newly favorite authors, Malcolm Gladwell. This man is ingenious and knows how to write to keep an audience craving more. I hadn’t hesitated for a second in checking out his book Talking to Strangers. Saying that I’m excited to begin reading it is an understatement.
I try not to read more than two books at a time because I become anxious for some reason, I truly don’t know why, maybe because I’m drowning myself in information? In a way, though, I kind of love it…learning is exhilarating!!
Before I began indulging myself in the written word of Rick Hanson this morning, I was on a call with my parents. After some time of sharing laughs and updates, I said, I’m gunna let you go now, I want to read. My dad chuckled and said, Who says that, I’m going because I want to read?
I don’t really have a point to this blog post today; most of the time, I have a clear message that is organized beforehand (whether written physically or mentally). Though, as I sat down to write, a sense of disinterest came over me when contemplating of writing about something along the lines of self-help, mental health, or psychology.
Normal transition here…today is the official day of no take backs of staying in Canada for another month — I just paid my rent. I’ve come to realize (with the help of a friend) that growth truly is uncomfortable, but that’s the sign to keep going.
I wrote a list of things I wish to do before leaving and have re-found my motivation and interest in persevering through the discomfort. Besides, who remembers the travel blogger that went AWOL anyways?
For years on end, I’d dream of living in a studio apartment. The reality of it is nothing of the sort. To an extent, Feng Shui is rational — we are vastly influenced by the objects and environment we surround ourselves with — though there are a few rules that are up to one’s discretion, such as leaving things out from under your bed to maintain a adequate flow of energy…I’m not too sure about that one, mostly because I don’t know where else to put my laptop case, duffle bag, and a few other embarrassing things I don’t wish to admit that I shove under my bed.
In a studio apartment, everything is mixed together, thus a mixed mind. Am I possibly overly aware and think to much about this concept? Maybe, but I’ll be honest, the microwave next to the T.V. truly makes me unsettled.
I hate to admit it, but since possessing all in one room, I’ve fallen back into a few inadequate habits that I had control over in a wider space. I mean, at least I’m aware of it, and I’ve been attempting to have them under control, but it’s definitely been a challenge all over again…I blame the T.V. and microwave arrangement.
My bed is in the kitchen, I am constantly reminded of food throughout the day, which stimulates a longing to eat. I realized this rather quickly, so it hasn’t been too much of an issue, but I have been drinking more coffee than I’d like to admit, and more often.
Not only so, many people walk in this city since everything is close together, and more often than not, they are holding a cup of coffee. Oh, how it instantly makes me crave a fourth and fifth cup, which, of course, is only steps away from any side of the room I find myself on.
To be fair, though, am I drinking too many cups, or is it merely one big cup of coffee but drank separately at various times of the day?
Either way, as I finish up my second cup of today, I wish you a serene and happy Sunday!
Talk soon ❤